Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
