we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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