Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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