I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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