Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
