I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
