well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
