Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
