just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
