Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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