quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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