mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
