Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
