bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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