Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The struggles of a small town man whore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
