I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
