Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
