In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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