idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
