I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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