It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
