hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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