yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
