what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
