the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
