So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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