the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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