we have officially lost it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
