my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
