You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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