oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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