i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
