I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
