Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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