She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My life is pants optional.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
