Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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