I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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