don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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