The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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