You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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