i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
