dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
