she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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