You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
