I just made out with a guy for $7.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
