so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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