Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
