wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
