She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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