I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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