4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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