using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
