Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
