apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
