hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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