I wish I could teleport
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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