I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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