I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
