the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
