Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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