drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
