There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize