will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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