you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
