hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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