There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
