Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
