wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
