my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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