Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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