Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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