this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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