Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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