she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
