bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
