So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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