i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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