Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
