well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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