I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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