no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
