We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
