I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
